Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
