3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
