I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
