I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
