Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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