I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
