dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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