haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
