Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
