he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
