I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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