thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
