You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
