I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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