you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He passed out mid-signature
Dignity is for republicans.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
