Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
