How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
