im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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