Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
