Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
