I got chris browned last night
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
