I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is wine microwaveable?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
