So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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