The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
