Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
