I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
