I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
