I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
