Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
