I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
