OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
