Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
