Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
