You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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