It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
