I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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