I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
