the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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