I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
