i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
