her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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