my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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