I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
