i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
