honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
