I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
