so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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