i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
