they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
