you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
