U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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