I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
