youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
