sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
