Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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