I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
