My Higher Power is John Stamos
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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