I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
