Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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