i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
