Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
