it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My penis needs a shock collar
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
