I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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