Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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