I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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