i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
