you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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