someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
