She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
